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2020 Fresh Clean Jokes For Everyone

2020 JokeBook Front Cover

At 2600 jokes, this will be the second biggest jokebook when published. It also has the best one-liners or soundbites ever written by one author. It is more than a jokebook. It is a book that can help improve your kids' general knowledge and English-language skills. All jokes are child-friendly and family friendly. The book has all the usual stuff that people expect from a regular jokebook but it also has some unique joke designs that has not been seen before. A book-read video was published on 20th September.

The jokes begin at the 20-minute mark. There is no audio but the video is fully subtitled.

50 Favourite
English Nursery Rhymes

In this page, you will find text of English nursery rhymes that kindergarten kids in India learn. Illustrations are from the books Our Old Nursery Rhymes (1911), Real Mother Goose (1916) and Denslow's Mother Goose (1901).

Quick Links

Full Text Of Nursery Rhymes

Remember, each rhyme needs to be repeated at least once.

Alphabet Song - ABC Song

Come little children
Come to me

I will teach you
A B C

A B C D E F G
H I J K L M N O P

L M N O P Q R S T
U V W X Y Z

X Y Z
Oh, dear me!

Now, I know my A B C
Next time, won't you sing with me

Baa Baa Black Sheep

Baa Baa Black Sheep and I

Baa Baa Black Sheep
Have you any wool?

Yes sir. Yes sir.
Three bags full!

One for my master
And, one for my dame

And, one for the little boy
who lives down the lane

Master, Dame and the Boy

Bits Of Paper

Bits of paper, Bits of paper
Lying on the floor
Lying on the floor
Make the place untidy
Make the place untidy
Pick them up
Pick them up.

Bye Baby Bunting

Bye, baby bunting
Father's gone a-hunting
Gone to get a rabbit's skin
To wrap the baby bunting in

Chubby Cheeks, Rosy Lips

Chubby Cheeks, rosy lips
Dimpled chin, teeth within
Curly hair, very fair
Eyes are blue, lovely too
Teacher’s pet, “Is that you?”
Yes! Yes! Yes!

Cobbler, Cobbler, Mend My Shoe

Cobbler cobbler, mend my shoe
Get it done by half past two
Do it neat and do it strong
And I will pay you when it’s done.

Ding Dong Bell

For its alleged "caticide" references, some political correctness goons fell over this one and tried to ruin it. What follows is the unharmed version.

Ding dong bell,
Pussy's in the well.
Who put her in?
Little Johnny Green.
Who pulled her out?
Little Tommy Thin.
Ding dong bell.

Early To Bed

Early to bed
Early to rise
Makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise

Eeny Meeny Miny Moe

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
Catch a tiger by his toe.
If he hollers let him go.
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

Five Little Ducks Went Out One Day

Five little ducks went out one day.
Over the hill and far away.
Mother duck said, "Quack, quack, quack, quack."
But only four little ducks came back.

Four little ducks went out one day.
Over the hill and far away.
Mother duck said, "Quack, quack, quack, quack."
But only three little ducks came back.

Three little ducks went out one day.
Over the hill and far away.
Mother duck said, "Quack, quack, quack, quack."
But only two little ducks came back.

Two little ducks went out one day.
Over the hill and far away.
Mother duck said, "Quack, quack, quack, quack."
But only one little duck came back.

One little duck went out one day.
Over the hill and far away.
Mother duck said, "Quack, quack, quack, quack."
But none of the five little ducks came back.

Sad mother duck went out one day.
Over the hill and far away.
The sad mother duck said "Quack, quack, quack."
And all of the five little ducks came back.

Five Little Monkeys

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed
One fell off and bumped his head
Mother called the doctor and the doctor said,
"No more monkeys jumping on the bed!"

Four little monkeys jumping on the bed
One fell off and bumped his head
Mother called the doctor and the doctor said,
"No more monkeys jumping on the bed!"

Three little monkeys jumping on the bed
One fell off and bumped his head
Mother called the doctor and the doctor said,
"No more monkeys jumping on the bed!"

Two little monkeys jumping on the bed
One fell off and bumped his head
Mother called the doctor and the doctor said,
"No more monkeys jumping on the bed!"

One little monkeys jumping on the bed
One fell off and bumped his head
Mother called the doctor and the doctor said,
"No more monkeys jumping on the bed!"

Good Night, Sleep Tight

Good night
Sleep tight
Don't let the bedbugs bite

Wake up bright
In the morning light
To do what's right
With all your might.

Goosey Goosey Gander

The earliest recorded reference to this rhyme is as old as the late eighteenth century.

Goosey Goosey Gander

Goosey goosey gander,
Where shall I wander?
Upstairs and downstairs
And in my lady's chamber.

There I met an old man
Who wouldn't say his prayers.
So I took him by his left leg
And threw him down the stairs.

Hey Diddle Diddle

This rhyme is a popular choice when expressing skepticism over utter nonsense.

Hey diddle diddle.
The cat and the fiddle.
The cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed to see such sport,
And the fork ran away with the spoon.

Hickory Dickory Dock

Hickory dickory dock.
The mouse ran up the clock.
The clock struck one.
The mouse ran down.
Hickory dickory dock.

Clock and the mouse

Hokey Pokey

You put your left leg in
Your put your left leg out
You put your left leg in
You shake it all about
You do the Hokey Pokey
And turn yourself around
That's what it's all about

You put your right hand in
Your put your right hand out
You put your right hand in
You shake it all about
You do the Hokey Pokey
And turn yourself around
That's what it's all about

You put your whole self in
Your put your whole self out
You put your whole self in
You shake it all about
You do the Hokey Pokey
And turn yourself around
That's what it's all about

Hop A Little

Hop a little, jump a little
One, two, three
Run a little, skip a little
Tap, tap one knee
Bend a little, stretch a little
Nod your head
Yawn a little, sleep a little
In your bed

Hot Cross Buns

Hot cross buns!
Hot cross buns!
One ha' penny, two ha' penny,
Hot cross buns!

If you have no daughters,
Give them to your sons.
One ha' penny, two ha' penny,
Hot Cross Buns!

Humpty Dumpty Sat On A Wall

This is one of the most popular English nursery rhymes. It is supposed to be a riddle of some sort. People who believe in this theory think that the Humpty character, who is always featured as an egg-shaped person, is a reference to some real person in history.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again!

I Love Little Kitty

I Love Little Kitty

I love little kitty
Her coat is so warm
And if I don't hurt her
She'll do me no harm

So, I'll not pull her tail
Nor drive her away
But kitty and I
Very gently will play

She shall sit by my side
And I'll give her some food
And kitty will love me
Because I am good

If You Are Happy And You Know It

At the end of each line of the first paragraph, the child should clap their hands. For the second paragraph, the child should stomp their feet. And, so on…

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.
If you're happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it.
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.

If you're happy and you know it, stomp your feet.
If you're happy and you know it, stomp your feet.
If you're happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it.
If you're happy and you know it, stomp your feet.

If you're happy and you know it, shout, "Hurray."
If you're happy and you know it, shout, "Hurray."
If you're happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it.
If you're happy and you know it, shout, "Hurray."

If you're happy and you know it, do all three.
If you're happy and you know it, do all three.
If you're happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it.
If you're happy and you know it, do all three.

Incy Wincy Spider

Incy wincy spider went up the water spout.
Down came the rain and washed the spider out.
Out came the sun and dried up all the rain.
And Incy wincy spider climbed up the spout again.

Jack And Jill Went Up The Hill

Jack and Jill up and then down the hill

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.

It's Raining It's Pouring

It's raining
It's pouring
The old man is snoring
He went to bed and bumped his head
And he couldn't get up in the morning

Little Bo Peep

Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep
And can't tell where to find them
Leave them alone
And they'll come home
Wagging their tails behind them

Little Boy Blue

Little Boy Blue asleep under the haystack

Little Boy Blue,
Come blow your horn.

The sheep's in the meadow;
The cow's in the corn.

Where is that boy
Who looks after the sheep?

He's under the haystack
Fast asleep.

Will you wake him?
Will you wake him?

Oh no, not I;
For if I do, he's sure to cry.

Little Girl With A Curl

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, she was very, very good
And when she was bad she was horrid.

Little Jack Horner

Little Jack Horner eating a Christmas pie

Little Jack Horner
Sat in the corner
Eating a Christmas pie.

He stuck in his thumb
And pulled out a plum
And said "What a good boy am I!"

Little Miss Muffet

Little Miss Muffet

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey

Along came a spider
Who sat down beside her
And frightened Miss Muffet away.

Little Tommy Tucker

Little Tommy Tucker sings for his supper
What shall we give him? Brown bread and butter
How shall he cut it without a knife?
How shall he marry without a wife?

Listen To My Big Drum

Listen to my big drum
Bang! Bang! Bang!

Listen to my triangle
Tang! Tang! Tang!

Listen to my trumpet
Toot! Toot! Toot!

Listen to my tambourine
Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!

London Bridge Is Falling Down

London Bridge is falling down!
Falling down! Falling down!
London Bridge is falling down, My Fair Lady.

Build it up with iron and steel!
Iron and steel! Iron and steel!
Build it up with iron and steel, My Fair Lady.

Iron and steel will bend and bow!
Bend and bow! Bend and bow!
Iron and steel will bend and bow, My Fair Lady.

Lucy Locket

Lucy Locket

Lucy Locket lost her pocket
Kitty Fisher found it
Not a penny was there in it
Only a ribbon round it.

1234 Mary's At The Cottage Door

1, 2, 3, 4
Mary's at the cottage door

5, 6, 7, 8
Eating cherries off a plate

Mary Had A Little Lamb

Mary and her little lamb

Mary had a little lamb
Little lamb, little lamb
Mary had a little lamb
Whose fleece was white as snow

And everywhere that Mary went,
Mary went, Mary went
And everywhere that Mary went
The lamb was sure to go

Old MacDonald Had A Farm

Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O
And on that farm he had a cow, E-I-E-I-O
With a moo moo here and a moo moo there
Here a moo, there a moo, everywhere a moo moo
Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O

Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O
And on that farm he had some sheep, E-I-E-I-O
With a baa baa here and a baa baa there
Here a baa, there a baa, everywhere a baa baa
Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O

Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O
And on that farm he had some pigs, E-I-E-I-O
With a oink oink here and a oink oink there
Here a oink, there a oink, everywhere a oink oink
Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O

One Two Buckle My Shoe

One! Two! Buckle my shoe
Three! Four! Knock at the door
Five! Six! Pick up sticks
Seven! Eight! Lay them straight
Nine! Ten! A big fat hen

Peter Peter Pumpkin-Eater

Little Miss Muffet

Peter, Peter, pumpkin-eater
Had a wife but couldn't keep her.

He put her in a pumpkin shell
and there he kept her very well.

Pussycat, Pussycat

Pussycat, Pussycat, where have you been?
I've been to London to visit the Queen.
Pussycat, Pussycat, what did you do there?
I frightened a little mouse from under the throne.

Rain Rain Go Away

This English rhyme is supposed to have had its origin from the defeat of the Spanish Armada by the smaller British Navy fleet in 16th century.

Rain Rain Go Away

Rain, rain, go away
Come again another day
Little Johnny wants to play
Rain, rain, go to Spain
Never show your face again

A Ring A Ring O' Roses

A ring a ring o' roses
A pocket full of posies
Atishoo! Atishoo!
We all fall down!

Roses Are Red

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
And so are you

Star Light Star Bright

Star light, star bright
The first star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight

Teddy Bear Teddy Bear

Teddy bear, teddy bear
Turn around

Teddy bear, teddy bear
Touch the ground

Teddy bear, teddy bear
Polish your shoe

Teddy bear, teddy bear
Off to school

A Tisket, A Tasket

A tisket, a tasket
A green and yellow basket
I wrote a letter to my mother
And put it in my pocket.
On the way I dropped it!
I dropped it! I dropped it!
Yes, on the way I dropped it!
A postman picked it up
And put it in my pocket
A tisket! A tasket!

Three Blind Mice

Three Blind Mice

Three Blind Mice
Three Blind Mice
See how they run
They went after a farmer's wife
Who cut off their tails with a carving knife
Did you ever see such a sight in your life
Three Blind Mice

Three Little Kittens

Three little kittens,
They lost their mittens
And they began to cry
"Oh, mother dear, we sadly fear,
That we have lost our mittens."

"What? Lost your mittens?
You naughty kittens!
Then you shall have no pie.
Mee-ow, mee-ow, mee-ow.
Then, you shall have no pie."

The three little kittens,
They found their mittens
And they began to cry,
"Oh, mother dear, see here, see here,
For we have found our mittens!

Put on your mittens,
You silly kittens,
And you shall have some pie.
Mee-ow, mee-ow, mee-ow
Oh, let us have some pie

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Twinkle, twinkle, little star
How I wonder what you are!
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky!

What Are Little Boys Made Of

What are little boys made of?
What are little boys made of?
Frogs and snails and puppy-dogs' tails
That's what little boys are made of!

What are little girls made of?
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice and everything nice,
That's what little girls are made of!

Yankee Doodle Came To Town

A slightly different version of this song is the official anthem of the American state of Connecticut! The first paragraph can be done solo and second paragraph by chorus.

Yankee Doodle went to town
A-riding on a pony
He stuck a feather in his cap
And called it 'macaroni'

Yankee Doodle keep it up
Yankee Doodle dandy
All the girls and lasses are
Sweet as sugar and candy

Tunes for these rhymes

I found the original tunes for these rhymes in a DVD titled "Favourite English Rhymes". The tunes in that DVD were the same ones I learned when I was in kindergarten. They do not seem to have been tampered with to suit the "creativity" of some new individual. Unfortunately, the DVD seems to be out of print. However, the publisher seems to have other DVDs with similar titles. I am not sure if the tunes are still like the original.